This week we continue our interview with homeschooling author of Homeschooling Only One and conference speaker Donna Conner. She continues to share her wisdom of homeschooling an only child. This week’s interview covers the challenges of homeschooling an only child and gives practical advice for overcoming these challenges. Even if you are homeschooling multiple children, you’ll find Donna’s wisdom enlightening. And, if you have missed part 1 or 2 of this series, be sure to check them out. God bless!

Homeschool Passion: What are the biggest challenges for parents homeschooling only one child, and how can they overcome these challenges?

Donna Conner: First, parents of an only have to deal with being their child’s only playmate at times. They have to balance what needs to get done (chores, errands, etc.) with their child always being there.

I encourage the use of naptime (when the child is young) and quiet time (when they are too old for naps). During these times, I required my son to be on his bed, nowhere else in his room. He could play quietly or look at/read books, but he had to do this for an hour. If he got too loud, his hour would begin again. There were a couple of times where he ended up with 2 or 3 hour naps/quiet time. Most of the time he would fall asleep, or be quiet enough for me to get an hour break. I was fortunate that he took naps until he was 7 years old; after that, he might fall asleep or not. During those quiet times, I could do several different things:  take a nap myself, if needed; read a book for relaxation; do chores, even watch a little TV or a movie.

There were also times, not called nap or quiet time, when I was on sensory overload from the constant chatter. I even taught that term to my son! I would send him to his room, not as a punishment, but so I had a breather. He understood that I just needed some time away, and he got to play. (Now there were times I sent him to his room as a discipline measure, but he knew there was a difference.)

Sometimes we have to be their playmate, but our job is not to be their playmate all the time, nor to be their best friend, or to keep them entertained. We don’t put off other duties we may have, to be on the floor playing the whole day. There needs to be balance. And sure, when you only have one, it’s easy to let the time go and just enjoy them. There’s nothing wrong with that, unless it’s out of balance with real life.

As a mom, I needed to get dinner together, vacuum & dust the house, clean the bathroom, take care of my husband, run errands as needed, AND take care of our precocious preschooler/early elementary-aged child. You can’t do it all, especially when they are in your care (for the most part) for 24/7. I knew what my husband required and needed of me, so we jointly decided which things could go by the wayside for a time. The way to keep some balance while doing your chores is to alternate—play a game, do a chore; have free play in his room, do a chore; teach a chore, do a chore, etc. “I’m bored” was a key phrase that signified to me that it was time to assign a chore according to his age.

aving a Moms’ Night Out with friends is a good way to give you distance. Getting some adult female conversation does wonders for a mom! Doing the groceries by yourself in the evening while allowing dad to enjoy his kids on his own is another way to give yourself a break. (It’s a bonus that dad and kids get to play and interact with each other without mom jumping in.) This helps to give you balance, also!

Second, parents must learn to not focus on every little jot and tittle that the child does “wrong,” and for that matter, anything that the child does “right.”

This is a very easy thing to do. For example, instead of correcting them for one grammar mistake in a paper, we show them every single error, plus add content criticism. We need to focus on one thing at a time, maybe all commas and semicolons, or something like that, but not every misspelling, grammar mistake and content problem. Being selective in what you focus on will keep your child from becoming overwhelmed. You might spend a week on grammar. The next week on misspellings, then content another week.

Another exercise is to allow a child to create stories separate from school, or for school but without all the corrections. This allows them to be creative. Having this as a first draft and then polishing the paper over several days is a great way of doing it. It’s also good to allow them to be just creative. If they use inventive spelling, or forego grammar rules, do not worry. Avoid doing any corrections. Just praise them for the story line. Granted, you don’t want to do this with everything they write, but they need some freedom just to create.

If you are homeschooling from the beginning and plan to do it for the rest of their educational journey, or just through middle school, or just for this year, there is time.  Feeling pressure with what needs to be done can be very scary and overwhelming. Add in the knowledge that “their educational future” is totally in your hands, and wow… It’s very easy to focus on every jot and tittle to the detriment of your child. Don’t despair of teaching them “everything.” It’s not possible, anyhow. You are responsible to teach them the basics, keep their love of learning intact, and teach them how to research so they can teach themselves at any point in their lives. Beyond that, relax, especially if you are in the younger years. There is time, and you’ll do fine.

Finally, don’t boast about or over-inflate your child’s ego… not to others or in front of your child. Being proud of your child is not a bad thing—if kept in balance. You don’t want the other mothers to scatter at your approach because you’ve become known for overly-bragging about your child. If you give the child high praise for being gifted or just getting his work done completely correct, he can develop an unhealthy concept of himself. You don’t want to train your child to brag about himself to his friends (whether at church or at co-op), lording his accomplishments over them, or be impertinent to an adult by correcting strangers or acquaintances.

My son somehow taught himself to read long before we started kindergarten, and he continues to do well in language arts. When he was younger, I would commend him, but at the same time (in a light and happy tone), remind him that God gives everyone different gifts. Some are good in math; others are great with language arts; still others are wonderful athletes, or artists, etc. The goal is to teach children that they are specially gifted, but not to put themselves above others. (Now, I didn’t repeat this litany each and every time I praised him! That would be too much for a child to handle, and they would most likely start to think they weren’t special at all.) The point is everyone is special. Everyone has unique gifts, and is seen as an individual by God! We need to rejoice in our individuality, but we don’t want to overdo it to the point of inflating egos (theirs or ours).

Next time, Donna will share her advice for scheduling homeschooling activities—how long and what type.

Previous posts in this series:

• Is Homeschooling a Good Choice for Families with Only One Child?

• Socialization and Homeschooling an Only Child

Photo: boy, with homework by wwworks

At Homeschool Passion, we’re dedicated to learning from those who have gone before us, hearing from those precious home educators who have paved the way, learned to sidestep the potholes, overcome the naysayers and brought homeschooling into mainstream circles. They’ve done it: They’ve successfully raised and educated their children. If they are willing to share their wisdom, then we should be willing to listen.

That’s why I’m so excited to share the following interview with Donna Conner, a veteran homeschooling mom, convention speaker and author of the book, Homeschooling Only One. Donna’s book was one of the first homeschooling books that I read, and I was thrilled to meet her at the last Texas Home School Book Fair. Over the next few weeks I’ll share our interview. I hope you’ll find it as inspiring as I did. She has many nuggets of wisdom to share, and I’m so glad she decided to share them here. Enjoy!

Homeschool Passion: When people think of the stereotypical homeschooling family, they often think of large families with multiple children. Why is homeschooling still a good choice for families of only one child?

Donna Conner: Of course the basic reasons for homeschooling cross all barriers. However, with “only” one student, there are multiple things that make it a very good fit:

• It is easier to tailor-make the child’s educational course of study each year (not having to consider any other child’s learning style, interests or special needs).
• For some families, there may be “extra” monies that can be budgeted for educational classes, materials or pursuits that might not be available to all the children of a large family. I know of some larger homeschooling families that must rotate special classes among the children due to costs.
• The only child is usually along for all errands and appointments, since there is 9usually) no one at home to watch them (like older siblings). They are introduced to a lot of different social situations. They learn how to converse with both adults and children of all ages (older, the same age, or younger) easily in these “out and about” trips.
• With only one student, it can be easier to find out your child’s special characteristics, like his learning style.
• It’s easier to move on to the next year’s materials when they are ready, no matter which part of the year it happens to be. Or if needed, they can slow down and take a year-and-a-half (or longer) to learn a subject. The beauty of homeschooling is being able to teach towards mastery of a subject, not just “teaching to the test.”

HP: What are the benefits of homeschooling only one child?

DC: Less time is needed for curricula searching, since there is only one. One-on-one interaction with a child is the best tutorial method, so the child is receiving the best kind of teaching. With only one, you really get to know that child. You can focus attention on both their needs and their accomplishments, while keeping a balance in how you teach the child about each.

Mom can also be more focused with the one in their schoolwork. So when the day is done for that child, mom is done with teaching. She can move on to her agenda as a wife and mother. When you add these benefits to the overall homeschooling benefits, it’s a win-win experience.

Be sure to check back next time as Donna shares her thoughts on socialization and homeschooling an “Only.” And be sure to check out Donna’s website at www.donnac.com.

Photo: boy, with homework by wwworks