Interview
Homeschool Graduate Talks about Socialization
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Homeschooling truly is a passion of mine. I love reading and learning about education styles and homeschooling issues. And the research is clear that homeschooling produces positive results—strong academics, life skills and yes, even admirable social skills. But as much as I love homeschooling, I wonder what do homeschool graduates think of it.
I’ve met a couple of homeschool graduates who did not have favorable experiences. Sadly, they share stories of social isolation, disorganized learning, and even worse, a lack of education. But from my experience, those are the exception, not the rule. And as proof, I’d like to introduce you to someone I believe God used to show me just how articulate, intelligent, graceful and self-assured homeschoolers can be. Her name is Katelyn. I recently had a chance to interview Katelyn about her education. Take a look at what she said:
Homeschool Passion: What year did you graduate?
Katelyn: 2009
How many years were you homeschooled?
Kindergarten – 12 grade with the exclusion of my freshman and sophomore years.
What was your favorite part of being homeschooled?
The family aspect – growing and learning together with family. Also the life skills that we were taught – cleaning, cooking, etc. I won’t take it for granted when I have a home of my own one day.
The biggest question about homeschooling is the issue of socialization. How do you respond to that question?
God created each of us with a unique personality, and although our environment can play a part, I don’t believe it completely controls our behavior. Certain personality types are “the life of the party.” They love to be around people. They talk constantly, and thrive off of being in the spot light. Other people are quite content with having a few good friends, and talking over a nice cup of tea. People may look at the latter group and label them as being “unsocial” just because they enjoy being by themselves with a good book or staying at home sometimes, but the fact is that they are wired differently. They are unique. They are themselves – the exact person God created them to be.
Over the years I’ve been homeschooled, I’ve met many other homeschoolers and no two are like. Take my family, for example. All five of us were homeschooled, and each of us has very different personalities. We all interact well with others, yet we each take a different role in a crowd. My youngest brother is the center of attention, the life of the party. On the other hand, my oldest brother would probably rather talk “tech terms” with the other “computer nerds” in the corner. Even though we grew up in the same home, we each respond in our own unique way in a social setting.
As a homeschooler, there are many ways you can interact with other kids your age — sports, church, and neighborhood kids are three groups that come to mind. I developed lasting friendships over the years through these avenues.
Would you homeschool your own children? Why or why not?
Yes, I would. I have experienced firsthand the rewards that come from homeschooling. Kids are very vulnerable. At a young age, our beliefs and attitudes are constantly being molded by the environment around us. There is a lot of garbage and negative influences in the world around us. I believe that through homeschooling you can help lay a strong foundation in your kids’ lives that they will be able to build on for the rest of their lives.
What advice would you give to homeschooling parents?
Enjoy every second of homeschooling. Embrace each moment that you can impart into your children. Also look for ways to grow and expand their interests. If they take a liking to art, find a group outside of the home where they can step outside their creative box and learn alongside other kids their age. Or if sports catch their interest, sign them up for a team. Find a good balance between their academic achievements and their extracurricular activities.
What have you been doing since graduation?
I am currently studying to be a Certified Nutritionist through a distant learning program, and I work part time as a ministry coordinator for the student ministries department at my church.
Photo: Graduation Caps by j.o.h.n. walker
How Many Hours Does Homeschooling Take?
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Today, I continue my interview with homeschool author and conference speaker Donna Conner. I’m so grateful to have had Donna share her experience and wisdom with me during the last few weeks. If you missed the first three parts, make sure to check them out:
- Is Homeschooling a Good Choice for Families with Only One Child?
- Socialization and Homeschooling an Only Child
- Challenges and Solutions for Homeschooling an Only Child
Homeschool Passion: In your book, Homeschooling Only One
First off, the guidelines are just that—guidelines. They are not set in stone. They are an idea, something to start with, so as not to start with expectations of an 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. schedule. Each child will be different and might not be ready for as many hours as their age may indicate. Or they may need/want a bit more to explore the next chapter or the next problem. We do not want to ever squelch an interest or that love of learning. These guidelines will be/should be more of a jumping-off point. It should become instinctual for the parents. It’s not like we pull out a stopwatch and click when we begin to teach for the day, and then stop it after seven or eight hours. In fact, I hope no one does that!
Teaching your child should be an “all day” affair. They are learning all the time, no matter what a clock says. The hours I suggest won’t necessarily be consecutive. In fact, it might be better if they weren’t. However, you definitely want to break up the schooling over the course of the day, especially when they are younger. Remember, you are your child’s expert, and no one loves them and wants the best for them like you do. Your homeschool can look totally unique and different from that of other families.
That said, these are the guidelines I wrote in my book:
Ages General Idea of Homeschooling Hours
4-5 No more than 1 hour a day; 15 min. at a time, alt. fine motor skill & gross motor skill activities.
6-7 1 – 2 hours a day total; 15 – 20 min. same alternation as above.
8-10 2 to 3 hours a day total; 20 min at a time, same alternation as above.
11-13 3 to 4 hours a day total; 20-30 min at a time, same alternation as above.
14-18+ 4+ hours a day total; 30+ min at a time, same alternation as above if needed.
Again, these hours are only guidelines—but if you are concerned that it’s “not enough,” remember each child is different. You will probably have to adjust for your special, unique child. Perhaps fewer hours/minutes a day, or you may need to give the child what he wants and give him more time in the classes he’s devouring in delight. And it might not be a complete schedule change for every day, for the whole year. It could be a half hour less today and an hour more tomorrow, vice versa, or it might be fairly consistent, except for a few minutes here and there.
Also, having only one student takes nothing like the time that an institutional setting with 30+ children takes. Schools don’t have enough time to spend on each and every student. Teachers (most if not all) love teaching and love children. They do the very best they can. But the logistics just aren’t there for the teacher to spend more than a very few minutes of one-on-one time with each of their students.
Ages 4-7: They don’t need a whole lot of time. Each family does it differently, but you can do the first 15 min. in the morning, then 15 min. before/after or even during lunch. Another 15 min. in the afternoon and possibly that last 15 min. after dinner. In the in-between time, real life is happening—errands, chores, fixing meals, and such. Each class or subject, should be short and fun. When you finish the minutes you’ve allotted for each class, then that class/subject/book is closed until the next day. You do not have to finish every problem on a page. You really ought to try using a timer and shutting the book when it goes off.
Be creative in how you cover the subjects you want to teach. For example, you can talk about geography using educational placemats during meals. in the last couple of years of this age group, I gave my son control of when he would do which class. My only request was that he did math first or second, when he was fresher and (hopefully) less likely to dawdle in it.
Ages 8-10: Children are still in early elementary. The hours they need depend on the child, but the “school day” should be moving to a bit more time on each subject, preparing for more in-depth study that they will be getting as they move onwards towards high school material. Allowing your child to have some control in their schooling is a good step, if you haven’t already done that in the last age group. Deciding when they will do what class gives them ownership and something within their power for their own education. If they feel they don’t have any power, it’s possible that they feel out of control and have little interest in doing school. Even knowing how important the classes really are, we don’t want to push too hard and have their day too regimented. Proceeding gently yet with enough authority is helpful here. They haven’t quite proclaimed their independence yet. When I was educating my son at 10 years of age, I thought he’d never be independent of me. He needed me to sit right beside him. Didn’t need much input, but I couldn’t read or cross stitch—only sit. That’s what he needed, so that’s what I did.
Ages 11-13: This group is equivalent to middle school. A little more responsibility is given to this group. At this point, the work requires a bit more in-depth work or research. So although you are “doing” school with him for 3 or 4 hours in the day, he may see the need to work on some “homework” sometime before or after his “school day.” This is not for every class, of course, but you are introducing the idea that some work might need more time other than those 3-4 hours. (The extra work shouldn’t take more than an hour or an hour-and-a-half. This is, after all, introducing larger projects.)
You may find, sometime in this age group, your child may want to strike out on his own and take more control of his education. My son, Mike, at the age of 12, decided/discovered that he could be done with school by lunchtime, if he got up and got to his work, instead of waiting for slow-moving-in-the-morning mom. In a short 2 years, he went from needing my presence at every turn to needing very little input from me. It will happen to you at some juncture of your homeschooling journey. Be encouraged!
Ages 14-18: These are the years that a child does high school work in preparation for college or a job, hence more hours have been slowly integrated into his day (probably from the year he turns 12 or 13). Essays and research papers will probably need to be worked on during after-school hours. The 4+ hours are really more in the hands of your high schooler than they are in yours. You will, most likely, be giving assignments and correcting work. However, different styles of homeschooling may mean less “schoolishness” and the child might be working with you to divide the work he needs to do (e.g. how many pages need to be read in a day). Both of you can create a schedule of assignments for each day or each week, so that he has input and you know that there is a certain amount of accountability. They might possibly be correcting their own work. Remember, your homeschool is as unique as is your child. No two are going to look exactly alike.
Interview with Homeschool Author and Speaker Donna Conner, Part 3
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This week we continue our interview with homeschooling author of Homeschooling Only One and conference speaker Donna Conner. She continues to share her wisdom of homeschooling an only child. This week’s interview covers the challenges of homeschooling an only child and gives practical advice for overcoming these challenges. Even if you are homeschooling multiple children, you’ll find Donna’s wisdom enlightening. And, if you have missed part 1 or 2 of this series, be sure to check them out. God bless!
Homeschool Passion: What are the biggest challenges for parents homeschooling only one child, and how can they overcome these challenges?
Donna Conner: First, parents of an only have to deal with being their child’s only playmate at times. They have to balance what needs to get done (chores, errands, etc.) with their child always being there.
I encourage the use of naptime (when the child is young) and quiet time (when they are too old for naps). During these times, I required my son to be on his bed, nowhere else in his room. He could play quietly or look at/read books, but he had to do this for an hour. If he got too loud, his hour would begin again. There were a couple of times where he ended up with 2 or 3 hour naps/quiet time. Most of the time he would fall asleep, or be quiet enough for me to get an hour break. I was fortunate that he took naps until he was 7 years old; after that, he might fall asleep or not. During those quiet times, I could do several different things: take a nap myself, if needed; read a book for relaxation; do chores, even watch a little TV or a movie.
There were also times, not called nap or quiet time, when I was on sensory overload from the constant chatter. I even taught that term to my son! I would send him to his room, not as a punishment, but so I had a breather. He understood that I just needed some time away, and he got to play. (Now there were times I sent him to his room as a discipline measure, but he knew there was a difference.)
Sometimes we have to be their playmate, but our job is not to be their playmate all the time, nor to be their best friend, or to keep them entertained. We don’t put off other duties we may have, to be on the floor playing the whole day. There needs to be balance. And sure, when you only have one, it’s easy to let the time go and just enjoy them. There’s nothing wrong with that, unless it’s out of balance with real life.
As a mom, I needed to get dinner together, vacuum & dust the house, clean the bathroom, take care of my husband, run errands as needed, AND take care of our precocious preschooler/early elementary-aged child. You can’t do it all, especially when they are in your care (for the most part) for 24/7. I knew what my husband required and needed of me, so we jointly decided which things could go by the wayside for a time. The way to keep some balance while doing your chores is to alternate—play a game, do a chore; have free play in his room, do a chore; teach a chore, do a chore, etc. “I’m bored” was a key phrase that signified to me that it was time to assign a chore according to his age.
aving a Moms’ Night Out with friends is a good way to give you distance. Getting some adult female conversation does wonders for a mom! Doing the groceries by yourself in the evening while allowing dad to enjoy his kids on his own is another way to give yourself a break. (It’s a bonus that dad and kids get to play and interact with each other without mom jumping in.) This helps to give you balance, also!
Second, parents must learn to not focus on every little jot and tittle that the child does “wrong,” and for that matter, anything that the child does “right.”
This is a very easy thing to do. For example, instead of correcting them for one grammar mistake in a paper, we show them every single error, plus add content criticism. We need to focus on one thing at a time, maybe all commas and semicolons, or something like that, but not every misspelling, grammar mistake and content problem. Being selective in what you focus on will keep your child from becoming overwhelmed. You might spend a week on grammar. The next week on misspellings, then content another week.
Another exercise is to allow a child to create stories separate from school, or for school but without all the corrections. This allows them to be creative. Having this as a first draft and then polishing the paper over several days is a great way of doing it. It’s also good to allow them to be just creative. If they use inventive spelling, or forego grammar rules, do not worry. Avoid doing any corrections. Just praise them for the story line. Granted, you don’t want to do this with everything they write, but they need some freedom just to create.
If you are homeschooling from the beginning and plan to do it for the rest of their educational journey, or just through middle school, or just for this year, there is time. Feeling pressure with what needs to be done can be very scary and overwhelming. Add in the knowledge that “their educational future” is totally in your hands, and wow… It’s very easy to focus on every jot and tittle to the detriment of your child. Don’t despair of teaching them “everything.” It’s not possible, anyhow. You are responsible to teach them the basics, keep their love of learning intact, and teach them how to research so they can teach themselves at any point in their lives. Beyond that, relax, especially if you are in the younger years. There is time, and you’ll do fine.
Finally, don’t boast about or over-inflate your child’s ego… not to others or in front of your child. Being proud of your child is not a bad thing—if kept in balance. You don’t want the other mothers to scatter at your approach because you’ve become known for overly-bragging about your child. If you give the child high praise for being gifted or just getting his work done completely correct, he can develop an unhealthy concept of himself. You don’t want to train your child to brag about himself to his friends (whether at church or at co-op), lording his accomplishments over them, or be impertinent to an adult by correcting strangers or acquaintances.
My son somehow taught himself to read long before we started kindergarten, and he continues to do well in language arts. When he was younger, I would commend him, but at the same time (in a light and happy tone), remind him that God gives everyone different gifts. Some are good in math; others are great with language arts; still others are wonderful athletes, or artists, etc. The goal is to teach children that they are specially gifted, but not to put themselves above others. (Now, I didn’t repeat this litany each and every time I praised him! That would be too much for a child to handle, and they would most likely start to think they weren’t special at all.) The point is everyone is special. Everyone has unique gifts, and is seen as an individual by God! We need to rejoice in our individuality, but we don’t want to overdo it to the point of inflating egos (theirs or ours).
Next time, Donna will share her advice for scheduling homeschooling activities—how long and what type.
Previous posts in this series:
Photo: boy, with homework by wwworks
Socialization and Homeschooling an Only Child
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Donna Conner, author of the book Homeschooling Only One
Homeschool Passion: Donna, the socialization question is a big one for homeschooling in general, but I’m sure it’s amplified when homeschooling only one child. How would you respond to the ever-present question, “What about socialization?”
Donna Conner: Socialization is just as large a “bug-a-boo” to those with one child as it is with other homeschooling families—almost a non-issue. We just have to be a bit more proactive in giving our child opportunities to interact with other children. They are truly “socialized” already, just by their close proximity with their parent(s) in all the normal everyday activities and places that have to be attended to. There are plenty of opportunities to come into contact with people of all different types (and ages) at church, in the grocery store, at the doctor’s appointment, at the bank, at the post office, on walks in the neighborhood or in the local park’s playground. How we have to be proactive is to provide play dates and opportunities to be with, to play with, to interact with, and to socialize with children of all ages.
Large families have built-in peer groups, where children learn to work and play with other children. If a parent of an only works with their child, learning to share has already been taught (almost to a fault, at least in my own experience). But through practice, or actual interaction with others (children their age, younger or older), they must learn to walk out this skill. That’s where the fine tuning of such skills requires the parent to be proactive and provide the opportunities. This can be within a homeschool group, a co-op class, outside classes (museum, art, etc.) and play dates. It still isn’t that big of a deal, but as parents of an only, you have to keep your eyes open and facilitate what your child needs.
Next time, Donna will share the biggest challenges with homeschooling and only and give valuable tips for how to overcome them. Be sure to check back.
Photo: boy, with homework by wwworks
Is Homeschooling a Good Choice for Families with Only One Child?
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At Homeschool Passion, we’re dedicated to learning from those who have gone before us, hearing from those precious home educators who have paved the way, learned to sidestep the potholes, overcome the naysayers and brought homeschooling into mainstream circles. They’ve done it: They’ve successfully raised and educated their children. If they are willing to share their wisdom, then we should be willing to listen.
That’s why I’m so excited to share the following interview with Donna Conner, a veteran homeschooling mom, convention speaker and author of the book, Homeschooling Only One
Homeschool Passion: When people think of the stereotypical homeschooling family, they often think of large families with multiple children. Why is homeschooling still a good choice for families of only one child?
Donna Conner: Of course the basic reasons for homeschooling cross all barriers. However, with “only” one student, there are multiple things that make it a very good fit:
- It is easier to tailor-make the child’s educational course of study each year (not having to consider any other child’s learning style, interests or special needs).
- For some families, there may be “extra” monies that can be budgeted for educational classes, materials or pursuits that might not be available to all the children of a large family. I know of some larger homeschooling families that must rotate special classes among the children due to costs.
- The only child is usually along for all errands and appointments, since there is 9usually) no one at home to watch them (like older siblings). They are introduced to a lot of different social situations. They learn how to converse with both adults and children of all ages (older, the same age, or younger) easily in these “out and about” trips.
- With only one student, it can be easier to find out your child’s special characteristics, like his learning style.
- It’s easier to move on to the next year’s materials when they are ready, no matter which part of the year it happens to be. Or if needed, they can slow down and take a year-and-a-half (or longer) to learn a subject. The beauty of homeschooling is being able to teach towards mastery of a subject, not just “teaching to the test.”
HP: What are the benefits of homeschooling only one child?
DC: Less time is needed for curricula searching, since there is only one. One-on-one interaction with a child is the best tutorial method, so the child is receiving the best kind of teaching. With only one, you really get to know that child. You can focus attention on both their needs and their accomplishments, while keeping a balance in how you teach the child about each.
Mom can also be more focused with the one in their schoolwork. So when the day is done for that child, mom is done with teaching. She can move on to her agenda as a wife and mother. When you add these benefits to the overall homeschooling benefits, it’s a win-win experience.
Be sure to check back next time as Donna shares her thoughts on socialization and homeschooling an “Only.” And be sure to check out Donna’s website at www.donnac.com.
Photo: boy, with homework by wwworks