“Homeschooling is 60% character building and 40% academics,” a friend recently told me. While I can’t quantify it as clearly as that, I am more convinced than ever—especially as I interact with a wider array of children—that academics is only part of our responsibility as homeschoolers and parents.

One of the areas that seems to be lacking in traditional education is, in fact, socialization. This strikes me as funny since homeschooled children are the ones under such tough scrutiny in this area. I’m not talking about a child’s ability to converse with strangers or relate to non-family members. Those aren’t the social skills that concern me. Research supports what homeschoolers already know. Our children can be outgoing or shy, confident or insecure, articulate or at a loss for words. In essence, they are individuals with all the ups and downs that come with being human.

But as I observe my children interacting with other kids, I wonder about the social skills that children are developing. Parents seem to believe that the school system will teach their children how to get along with others. They have bought into the belief that by merely being in the same classroom as 20 other children their same age that their kids will learn how to interact successfully. That’s not the case.

I’ve recently witnessed children screaming at their friends, demanding their own way, with their parents watching—but never correcting—from a short distance away. I’ve seen girls begin the catty bullying that we women can become so good at, hearing the words, “I’m not your friend anymore!” and witnessed the power plays of excluding one child from the group. I’ve seen 6th graders (new to middle school) develop a tough exterior, complete with an angry swagger, in defense of being bullied. Usually, these antics are often met with a glib, “Kids will be kids,” from adults.

I don’t buy it.

If we want our children to learn how to interact with others, we have to train them. We have to teach them how to share and compromise. We have to empower them to sometimes take the lead and sometimes defer to others. We have to show them how to handle tough situations and even tougher people. Of course, I’m not suggesting that we weaken our children by trying to solve all their problems or mediate all their relationships, but we can’t expect them to know how to handle themselves without being taught.

Even as I write this, I’m concerned about one of my daughter’s friendships. A little girl, who was once so sweet and considerate, is developing these “skills.” I don’t know if it is a response to the new school year and new classroom. All I know is that the dynamics of their friendship is changing, and I’m prayerfully considering how to handle it. First and foremost, I’m keeping the lines of communication open with my daughter. I’m training her to stand up for herself, to remove herself from angry situations and to resist responding in kind. I’m also encouraging other, healthier relationships.

Only time will tell how our situation turns out, but I hope all of us parents—homeschoolers and non-homeschoolers—take a stand for education, complete education, one that includes equipping our children with the socials skills they need. God forbid we give up this responsibility. If we do, our children will, indeed, inherit a socially-awkward world.

Photo: Two Friends in the Woods by Pink Sherbet Photography